Its Complicated

Last week someone commented on the blog and asked about how living aboard has affected our relationship. As I was typing a response that was getting longer and longer, I decided that it would be a good thing to write a whole post about.

There are a lot of factors involved in a good relationship, I cant claim to be smart enough to really understand them, much less write about them here. That being said, I think Shannon and I have a great relationship. We have been together for just over 10 years, and have been married almost 5 now. Most of that was a fairly normal life in Durango, CO. We had our house, our jobs, our dogs, and our own space. Living aboard has a significant impact on all of that.

First and foremost, the single biggest change is constant proximity. We are together 24 hours a day 7 days a week. That may not seems like a big deal, but it is. Many don’t realize the significance of having your own space. Even just a couch to yourself, or just being in another room. There is no place on the boat that we can have to ourselves. Everything is shared. We’ve done a good job a minimizing that over the years, and learning how to deal with it. First, you have to learn to have your alone time in other ways. Shannon and I have the advantage that we are OK just putting on our headphones and getting lost in whatever task we have. It can be cleaning, working on a boat project, or even TV, or internet, or video games. We know that when were in that mode, just let the other be for awhile.

Unfortunately that is not always possible. Because the boat is such a small space, even if we are doing our own thing, often we need to get some widget and its under the settee that the other is sitting on, or in the locker behind them. Again, this just needs understanding that we cannot truly have our alone time, and not to take it personally when one is asked to move for a minute.

Another big change is the boat itself. It is all consuming, and everyone aboard needs to know that issues on the boat take priority. Its not like the house that you can live with the leaky faucet for a few weeks. Things that get left aside quickly turn into bigger problems. Even little things like a that leaky faucet. This will cause the water pump to run more, wish makes noise and is annoying, but will also lead to it wearing out. Water is also a commodity, so every drip wasted is water we have to replace. So When there is an issue on the boat, we must deal with it, we cant hove our weekend recharge day where we can ignore each other, we have to work together to keep the boat happy.

All in all, relationships are hard in general, and living on a boat just adds some interesting issues to that. It can be done, and when it is good, its great. We have mutual goals and we work together to manifest those goals. Both parties have to be 100% into it though. Any less and it will be like that leaky faucet. It will fester, it will grow, and eventually, it could sink the boat.